Why Does the Summer Change People?

Why does the summer change people?  I don’t mean appearance wise, that’s a given.  There are plenty of orange skinned humans walking around on the arm of someone sculpted from marble.  I mean, why do people suddenly get dumber when the warm weather hits?  Specifically when driving.

Maybe this is a New York thing?  I’m in Mid State New York (Gervais forbid I say Upstate when I’m between Albany and NYC).  I’m not sure what this phenomenon is, but the average IQ percent drops dramatically when the thermometer hits 70 degrees or above (Fahrenheit not Celsius.  Get that shit out of here).  Now I consider that warm or hot weather as I apparently have some form of ice running in my veins.

I’ll give you an example.  Yesterday I was getting gas at the local fuel depot known as Quick Chek (Yes, deliberately spelled incorrectly like Froot Loops, Blu-Ray, or Krispy Kreme).  As I always do, when my tank is full I refuse to leave my vehicle at the pump and I move into an actual parking space.  Weird right?  So I did this yesterday, went into the store and got my mother-in-law some cigarettes.  Attempting to depart this local store of convenience I went to reverse and a younger man slowed to a stop behind me.  He was waiting for someone to move their car out of a spot to purchase his own petrol (no I’m not British I just like that word).  Like most people throughout his day, I was outside his Monkeysphere, so he continued to sit there.

I’m not one to escalate quickly with things like this.  I give people, when I can, the benefit of the doubt especially in large metal things on wheels that could potentially maim or kill people.  So I do a light beep or a quick two shot beep.  Nothing annoying or crazy, just a little, “Hey I’m here, also in a vehicle killing machine and I would like you to move so I can leave this space.”  I beeped and got more of a response from the birds hopping around the pavement (also known as ‘hoppers’).  I didn’t see his head move, no acknowledgement, he just continued to sit there.  With crappy music on mind you.  So I beeped again, keeping it normal.  Nothing happened.  At this point there is now a car behind him trying to get out and this new arrival is not as patient as I’ve been.  So I’ve now beeped twice to no avail, and this little car with the ‘bumps and rumps’ coming out the low rent speakers and rattling his license plate also beeps, hard.

The guy finally realizes, “Oh there are other people in this world?  I forgot all about that.  I guess I’ll move in the most maddening fashion ever.”  He then, in the space of three cars goes from zero to sixty to move a few feet out of the way (I assume he wanted to express his anger through the revving of his engine).  Mario Andretti follows that with a few back and forth motions accomplishing nothing.  Just enough to say, “There, I moved, your turn” like this is some sort of chess match.  I start to back up hoping they realize I’m involved in this mess, knowing full well I have no room to really leave.  The little Honda’s engine sounds like a popcorn maker on the fritz but he is small enough to slip through.  I then practice my 16 point turn (because I rarely get to break that one out anymore and this guy clearly knew I needed work) and finally released myself from the prison of the parking lot.

Funny thing is the guy waiting for gas apparently decided he found a better spot and skips to another section of the gas pumps.  It was there the entire time.

Considering it’s only May 2nd, I’m sure I will have 37 more stories by the end of next week just about people driving.  Thank you for reading, hopefully you enjoyed my tale.

Do something good.

-Matthew

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