So this one time, I jumped through a glass window.
Yeah, in my senior year of high school I was getting a bit obsessive with jackass. Now I am 30 after all, so this was back when jackass the movie didn’t exist and Johnny Knoxville wasn’t starring in movies. It was only a television show, and some random VHS tapes (remember those? No?…ok).
A bit of background first is in order. Don’t mistake this for a sob story but I had gone through some shit in high school a few years prior to this. From the point of climax during the shit storm I managed to convince my mom I should go to China with a school exchange program. Yeah I got in trouble quite a bit over there but that is a story for another time (sex, trashing 5 star hotels, being on television, someone trying to make me eat turtle, impromptu wrestling matches, signing freakin’ autographs, you know, the usual). Come the end of my junior year my “give a fuck meter” was toast and I started doing things to entertain myself, what a glorious idea it was. It’s cliché but it was that time when I found out who my friends were and who the other people were around me.
It’s an odd thing that I have realized in my years on this spinning rock. When you stop giving a shit…people want to know why. They don’t understand, “How can he not care? Isn’t he embarrassed? Why is he wearing a kilt to school?” All of those things had actually been asked at one point or another.
So I stopped caring what people though, I did what I was going to do and that was all that mattered. Long story short it started bringing people closer to me. I was drawing people in more and more. I wasn’t asking for it, and I wasn’t really becoming friends with anyone, but people were engaging me in conversations they may not have otherwise. I was asked to run as some fake political position in my grade, but I declined that immediately. When I realized I had somehow become well known in school I decided to experiment.
What sort of crazy shit could I do to entertain these people? I was acting. I was playing different characters. None of them really knew ME so I could do almost whatever I wanted. Some of it was simple like printing out 200 copies of paper that just said ‘jackass’ on them, and threw them around the hallways of school. It escalated though like most things do, sometimes harming myself like falling down the stairs onto a teacher, or running full force into a locker (accidentally in front of the principal, one and only suspension from school, only 5 hours). I liked to make people laugh and it happened on a frequent basis.
Which brings me to the window of destiny. We were closing in on our graduation so there was even less to care about. My grades were pretty much set a year prior so I had around 5 study halls a day. One day in our court yard, for no reason at all, I set up a steel folding chair under a series of windows outside our gymnasium. I went back a few yards, sprinted to the chair and leaped off into the window, bouncing off and landing on the chair then onto the ground. It was Plexiglas. It didn’t break, I bounced off, got a bruise or two and walked away unscathed. No big deal.
Well, the next day my fellow classmates were in the court yard again, this time a bigger crowd. Mixed in the crowd were some people who had witnessed the previous day’s spectacle and brought it up. Then someone asked about it hurting, and which window, etc. As you can imagine it wasn’t very long before, “do it again Knoxville!” was being thrown out by them (Yeah people started calling me Knoxville. It felt a bit douchey). So, I did it again. I set up the chair under a window…came back a bit, took a running start and leaped off the chair.
You see it in movies a lot, but unless you have actually seen it happen up close, shattering glass is quite a different experience than you would think. As you may have assumed, this window was glass, not plastic. The inside window was however Plexiglas. I rebounded off of that window after shattering the first layer; I bounced back and onto the ground. I survived! Then I looked down at my side and I was covered in blood and glass. I shrugged and walked back to everyone. I swear this is all true; I was ready to just let it go because the day was almost over. My friends weren’t having it, they encouraged me to go to the nurse and at least get the glass out.
The only path from where I was, involved going through the library. That I have to say must have been a scene no one will ever see again. A boy walking through the quiet library, bleeding down his right arm and leg with pieces of glass littering him up and down is something I believe happens every few decades.
The best part of this entire story, I didn’t get in one ounce of trouble. I had convinced the nurse and principal I was leaning against the glass looking for a teacher because the lunch aid person had closed a door to get back in (that part is actually true, she did close the door). I said there was a crack on the window and it gave way when I was looking inside. They bought it, I think not because of my excellent story, but because they didn’t want to be sued.
I didn’t need stitches, just a few hundred bandages, so when the principal questioned me on what I planned to do, I said nothing and that was it. We never spoke of it again. I jumped into a glass window, causing damage to public property mind you, and was completely off the hook.
So, there you go, it was a bit long but I wanted to make sure there was proper build up. No one wants a story behind jumping into a glass window to miss important information vital to the story.
Thank you for reading again.
Do something good.