Are people afraid of honesty? Do they not understand it? Do they reject it because it’s not a favorable answer? Often it appears that people cannot comprehend honesty at all. Almost like the idea is so foreign they don’t understand what to do with the information you have just given them. I’m not talking about liars, they are everywhere, I’m talking about giving your honest opinion or telling someone something honest about yourself, and then those recipients ignore these facts and end up being offended.
Here is a recent example from my current place of employment (2 more days thank the fucking stars!). I deal with a ton of new people that begin a new job here (no it’s not a career, stop calling it that). I’m very up front with these people. “I’m not here to be your friend.” “I don’t start conversations outside this class room.” “I don’t have a Facebook.” “I don’t go out with you after work, stop asking.” “I’m the best trainer in the world.” Those are all very common things I start out class with. Not 8 weeks in, or 16 weeks after I’ve met them. Day 1 I tell them who I am and what my thoughts are. I’m an introvert who deals with humans all day during my work hours. I make it very clear I would like to only interact with people between those hours at a bare minimum. Yet this is an issue with so many people it literally blows my mind (no it doesn’t literally blow my mind, I would be dead, I just wanted to throw that in there and see how many people caught it and went to say, “That’s the wrong way to use literally”).
So with that information plainly spelled out for everyone, and usually said multiple times, I still get glances of disapproval, or people asking me why I don’t say hi to them in the hallways or the best, “What’s up with your death stare?” I feel I’ve held up my end of the bargain by clearly laying this out for a preschooler to understand, but as an adult you don’t get it? When I walk around I’m in my own world thinking about my own things, maybe I was thinking about LOST and came across an evil moment in my mind and it put a frown on my face. It wasn’t about you! Stop making it seem like everything is.
I’ve gotten myself in some minor trouble being honest. I will admit I spout out moments of honesty in the wrong places but I’m never an asshole about it. I don’t go around looking to drop honesty bombs on people’s day. However when I’m asked a question or my opinion I’m going to answer it with truth. I’ve told police officers I was speeding or I knew my light was out. Do you consider that dumb? That’s ok, you can, but it helps me keep my morale code intact (which I’ve set a very high bar for, maybe too high). I’ve given money back to cashiers; I’ve called companies when they sent me too many items, I do ‘those’ type of things often. In my limited travels I don’t see this thought process in action. No thank you.
Lastly on this topic of honesty, please for the sake of all humans, stop asking for someone to be honest and then refusing that advice like it might give you herpes. This falls more to my wife being asked for her opinion than it does for me (people have learned that mayhaps they don’t want my opinion). We have lost many “friends” in our life who have sat her or us down to ask our honest opinion on a topic. She typically gives a well thought out answer of truth explosions laced with pretty orchid flowers. Does this person follow the advice? Of course not, they don’t like looking at their reflection in the mirror, and when she holds that mirror up they turn into some descendent of Medusa, breaking the mirror or hissing away into a corner (no one has turned into stone to my knowledge but I wouldn’t be surprised either). I’m sure you may think I’m biased because I’m married to her, but I would and have told her when I don’t agree on a topic. However she is wrong zero percent of the time. For those keeping score that is highly accurate. Again though, she isn’t going around dropping life lessons on unsuspecting victims, she is doing it at the request of these people. They realize how horrible they are and shun us by moving across the country, or getting super defensive. I’ve seen it all, and I will continue to because she is a good person and people like her and want her advice. Until they don’t agree with it, then they act like a bunch of crazy snakes locked in a room with Rikki-Tikki-Tavi. And if you get that reference I might like you as a person. I shouldn’t be surprised though when people don’t like honesty. Humans are inherently hypocritical but I’ll save that for another time.
Hope you enjoyed. Agree? Disagree? Leave your thoughts below.
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